All Things Change

I no longer live in a western world where personal space can be valued as a right. The words worship or idolatry sometimes aren’t strong enough to describe the attitude some western countries have towards personal space.

When we westerners sit there’s a “natural” perimeter we have. If you’re sitting now, stick your elbows straight out and that’s about the space you supposedly own. When we stand talking we should apply the *netball three feet rule. When we bump someone in the street we apologize. Knocking feet under the table results in the instant withdrawal of feet by both party A and party B. Accidentally touching someone with the front or back of your hand is followed by profuse and clumsy apologies to ensure the touchee understands that the toucher wasn’t groping them.

The great Australian dream has a front yard, double garage and a backyard that are all sacred to the owners, who are likely to feel violated if an “uninvited” breaks the boundaries. If the legal, yet invisible boundary isn’t working then a large obstructing wall/fence is built. Those who aren’t living the real dream and don’t have yards to protect them, then there’s the parking bay to war over.

Then the motor vehicle…

A few days ago a fully laden oncoming minibus swung onto the wrong side of the road and down my lane (or the lane I was in). I chose to flash the head lights vigorously and keep my hand on the horn. My intent was to let the driver know that I was indeed there and that if we collided it would be his fault. Call me chicken, but I then changed lanes and continued on.

If this happened some years before in the western world as my western self, my response would have been a little different. There would have been: involuntary and non-child appropriate language; the taking down of vehicle registration; pulling over and comforting the shaken passengers;  a call to the police; a possible call to a talk back radio to re-enforce the never ending cycle of stupid driver call-ins; and then a vow to avenge on behalf of all us “good” drivers.

So even when a driver makes a less than okay choice to drive the wrong way down a lane and break the law and put me and my passengers and his passengers at risk of harm, why is there no anger? I could have an issue with suppressing anger or I might have come to some understanding of the concept of “common space”. That is to say that our western sense of a personal space in which we “own” the area around us is pretty much a farce. Our concept of personal space creates a sense of security and control of self. So when our sense of security and/or our control of self is interrupted we feel violated. And our response is often outrage. When in reality we’re just getting a little glimpse at what a large section of the world’s population expects…

“MI CASA, SU CASA.” (For some reason clichés in another language are far more profound.)

*Netball is predominantly a women’s sport that Australia and New Zealand obsess over. Men are invited to play in mixed social teams and usually discover within themselves high doses of self loathing, spirit breaking apathy and sympathy for families of the middle age women who referee/manipulate the game. But it is a great game and all women are wonderful…