All Things Change

I’m 33 this year and I’m pretty much in denial about aging, along with a bunch of other things.

I will admit that my body isn’t fast, slim or flexible anymore which I guess places me in the early stages of coming to terms with it. In recent months I’ve tried to get fit by visiting the gym only to discover that I have an amazing ability to strain weird and wonderful parts of my anatomy. And when I stagger into a semblance of life each morning I’m grateful for the movement I have in my hips and shoulders because there’s nothing going on in the knees, elbows, neck or ankles, etc.

I’ve actually kept a pair of trousers that haven’t fit in seven years, but I hope to wear again one day. This either shows hope for the future or highlights the level of denial I’m dealing with.

I’m watching my kids grow and my friend’s marry/divorce, have kids, buy houses, get promotions, loose hair, get fat,… oh, it goes on and on…

EVERYONE IS GETTING OLDER!

Now my grandparents have passed away, queuing up my parents generation to be the next in line. So besides feeling a little depressed for having pulled my head out of the denial sand I had it firmly stuck in, I am wanting to make sure I do a few things right, before it’s all over.

The main thing that comes to mind at this stage is to not mess up my/our kids. When we had one kid I thought we were pretty much the perfect parents (“other parents could have learnt a thing or two from us”) and then came the second child to rock our little perfect parenting world. It’s been hard but I’m now willing to admit that we can’t make “The Perfect Child ™” and even if we could the kiddilliwid would most likely stuff it up them self.

It’s intriguing and sometimes quite sad to watch parents of adult children try to teach their grown child “a good hard lesson” when they stuff up. Unfortunately we (parents) have an idea of how life is supposed to go and we project in our minds the type of person our children should be when they’re grown. This leaves some folk pretty disappointed when their kids do “the wrong thing” and shatter the fairytale. “The wrong thing” is anything that makes us (parents) feel embarrassed and then in turn angry.

When our kids are grown I hope to take the opportunity to model support and friendship during the embarrassing times, but it’ll probably only work if my expectations are based on loving my kids without conditions and not on their conduct.

One condition I do have though is if I feel good about myself because I can fit back into the trousers I’ve been keeping. If I can’t then I guess I’ll take it out on my adult kids. I’m expecting to go senile anytime soon so the trousers will hopefully give me some focus.

As a rule our family avoids the golden arches of the McDonalds Empire. But as a parent, who hadn’t eaten all day, with two kids in tow suddenly the allure of seat and eat became an acceptable defeat. 

So, down trodden and comfortable with my defeat, I order up! Burgers, fries and drinks all round. Not even a second thought of the copious quantities of fat and sugar. 

We were happily hardening our arteries and tormenting our pancreases when my three year old gave a scream. Pointing at a poster of the beloved Ronald he said, “Look there’s a clown. Clowns are sccaarryyy. I want to shot it. Bang, bang. I’ll get a gun…” Pointing his two fingers at the poster like a gun, he gave one last “BANG!” 

I was torn… my three year old wanted to take Ronald out. This, quietly, made me proud and made his big brother laugh very hard. But it was violence and with a gun (I don’t care how many amendments your constitution has, guns are yet to make the world a better place).  

My conscience was trying to tell me before we walked beneath the yellow ‘M’, “Don’t do it, feed your kids something real.” But I belittled my conscience with a, “Shut the hell up, I’m hungry now!” 

I guess like my mum enjoys saying, “If you hang around bad places, bad things happen.”  

And for those of you parenting experts out there, yes I did take advantage of the ‘teachable moment’. It went something like this: “You shouldn’t shoot anyone including good people, bad people or clowns. God loves everyone including the clowns. And guns are bad.” 

I’ve spent the latter half of my 33 years avoiding clichés. Although a marginal minority, there are a growing number of people that belong to the Cliché Naysayer’s Association (CNA). Well, okay there aren’t really that many… at least not that they would know they belong to the movement. I guess I’m trying to ”out them” as members.

So what is it that the CNA have against clichés and Regular Cliché Users (RCU)?

It could be that some clichés are used to arrive at poorly informed conclusions.
CNA member says:
“I don’t think he could have caused this.”
RCU possible responses:
“Where there’s smoke there’s fire” or
“You reap what you sow” or
“A chain is only as strong as its weakest link”

It could be that some clichés are convenient for ignoring reality.
CNA member says:
“My wife is terminally ill”
RCU possible responses:
“If you stay positive anything can happen” or
“Let’s cross our fingers everything will be alright” or
“It’s a blessing in disguise”

It could be that some clichés are used to permit indecision.
CNA member says:
“What’s been decided for this issue?”
RCU possible responses:
“It’s more of an either/either than an and/or” or
“I feel caught between a rock and a hard place” or
“There’s more than one way to skin a cat”

But more likely than not it’s because the word “cliché” keeps company with other words like platitude and stereotype. Clichés are truisms or a summary of a common value or belief. Clichés aren’t necessarily wrong but can be used as factual knowledge to which a response is not expected. Along with this the cliché user assumes a position of ownership of the knowledge behind summary and therefore seeks to enforce this knowledge without actually having discovered it for themselves. Oh well, no use re-inventing the wheel.

Admittedly clichés are unavoidable and the CNA doesn’t exist (although I wish it did). So how about we try a little harder to tidy up our conversations and use less clichés? After all, cleanliness is next to Godliness.